Monday, August 9, 2010

John Waller Speaks to Me

OK, maybe not exactly, but I got into my car after lunch today to go back to work and his song While I’m Waiting came on. I absolutely relate to and really REALLY like this song. And it fits with the way I am feeling today.

Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

This song is all about patience. This is something I do not have. I need to learn it. I expect things at lightning speed. I like to blame it on the fact that I am the youngest child and rottenly spoiled. But really, I can learn patience if I really want to. I don’t want to, but I need to. I expect people to fulfill their obligations and to be on time and to do what I asked. I expect meetings at work to start on time and to accomplish something, I expect my son to eat at meals and put his shoes on when asked and clean up when asked and to not lie about things, I expect my friends to be there for me and to be honest and to laugh with me, I expect cars on the road to go at least five over the speed limit and to get out of my way and to not drive like a crazy person and to use turn signals and not slam on their brakes when I am riding their tails and I expect things I am passionate about to run on my schedule at my pace. Not good qualities. But I am also quick to trust and laugh and smile. Those don’t seem too bad but the bad outweigh the good and it is something I need to work on pronto.

For instance, the committee formation for the Haiti Ministry. I haven’t heard from Fr. Dave yet. I am hoping that means he hasn’t made a decision yet. If he did then putting my Haiti column in the bulletin was a consolation prize. I just worry as our next meeting is two weeks away and the committee is supposed to have a mission statement ready for the whole group to hear and vote on. And I was hoping we could have a vision and goals and plans (six months, one year, five years) and other documents the ministry will need. There is a chance that Fr. Dave hasn’t picked names yet, he is one to put thing off and we are down to him as our only priest and things come up. I understand that. But we need to get moving on this. And I feel like the person who started this whole thing (the one who is doing it to get herself into heaven) might have a swaying opinion and from our last encounter she is not too hot on me. She was rather rude and abrupt and off-putting. So I just don’t want to speak to her unless I have to, I don’t need someone looking down on me for having good seats at a Christian music festival and says things in front of others to me about those seats. And I really don’t want to pester Fr. Dave again. I think I will give it a few more days. If it isn’t me I want to know who so I can talk to them about my concerns as the ministry moves forward.

But I feel like this is God telling me I need to be patient. I need to wait and still serve Him even when things aren’t moving at my pace. It is a tough pill to swallow. To be patient when you really want something, and for me it is more then wanting. I feel so called to Haiti. So much so that I am willing to go down myself or find another organization to partner with. But I want to give my church and our ministry a chance. I want to learn patience from Him and to serve Him regardless. I want to sway the selfish outlook the ministry has right now and make it a selfless ministry. I don’t think I can stand for a ministry that is selfish, that isn’t Christ’s way. It isn’t what is taught in the bible and it most definitely is not they way in which Christ showed us.

Lord, help me with waiting. As much as I dislike waiting, help me see it is all on Your time. Let me bring Your name glory as I wait…patiently. Help me see the plan You have for me is far better then the one I plan for myself. Help Fr. Dave as he makes this important decision and guide the people that will lead this ministry to do so in a way that will make You proud. Help me to have the courage to stand up and voice my concerns. But most of all help me to be patient as Your works are being done. Help me to keep my eyes on You always and in everything I do, let it bring glory to You.

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