Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Sarah's Choice - Movie or Real Life?

So last night I thought I would watch Sarah’s Choice. It is a Christian movie about a woman who becomes pregnant and is being told to make a specific decision by people on both sides of the life debate. She is told she will receive three visions from God by a random woman and it will help her make a decision.

I was very pulled to this movie because of two reasons. One, my name is Sarah and two, I was in that same position at 16. Although I had my mind made up, my parents did not have the same idea as me. It was one of the hardest times of my life.

A little background on that time of my life. I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant. I thought I was in love, but what does a teenager know about that? I told my parents when I found out. I remember my mom going to puke and telling me he wished no one was around so she could punch me in the stomach so I would miscarry. I remember getting a list of things from my dad that I lost by getting pregnant (freedom, respect, innocence, being daddy’s little girl, like 12 different things) and which ones I would get back if I got an abortion. I am so glad that I don’t have that list today, if I did I think I would hate him. I got a letter from them as well. I remember one of my brothers hating me, telling me I ruined our good name, ruined his reputation too. I remember being asked countless times to rate my percentage of having the baby and aborting it. In my mind it was 100 to 0, but I would tell them 80 to 20 usually. I was emotional and didn’t have anyone to talk to as I was told I was not allowed to speak of it and I couldn’t bear to tell my friends that my parents were considering it. They finally made their mind up and told me the next day I would be calling to make an appointment at a clinic. I was devastated. I remember sitting on the step in the garage crying when I got home from school, my dad opened the door and pulled me into the house and dialed the phone and handed it to me as he got on another phone to make sure I really did it. I cried through that call and made the appointment. I was sick of everything that was going on. I couldn’t stand up for myself. My parents couldn’t even look at me and if they did it was with disgust. They barely talked to me and I withdrew from so many friends. Luckily word got out to someone who confronted me and she went and talk to a teacher who was friends with my mom and went through a similar situation. And my baby was saved. God surrounded me with people that were strong enough for me and the baby when I wasn’t. I don’t know if I ever thanked them, I am sure if I did it wasn’t enough. But I am so thankful. Thank you God for hearing my silent prayer, for sending people to rescue me from what I couldn’t rescue myself from.

They say God puts you through trials to rescue you from something else that could have been. I can’t imagine where I would be if I didn’t have my son. But I do know it wouldn’t be anywhere good. Thank you Lord for saving me from what I might have become.

You live and you learn and you move on and grow. You forgive, not forget totally, but you do forgive. I can look back at that time, well on my parents and realize they weren’t them for a while, just like I lost myself for a bit too. They still loved me and I them. And things are perfect between us too now. C came and taught us all a lesson.

But back to the movie. After it was over I cried my eyes out and sat on my bed and prayed. I gave thanks and praise for saving me and my son and for the people He sent to be strong when I wasn’t. I asked for guidance to be a better mom and more patient and caring and loving. (I think I forgot how to love from that ordeal aside from my son.) I want to be strong for someone someday like people were for me.

But I recommend that movie to anyone who was in a position like me, no matter what your decision ended up being. I think it showed a lot of how forgiving Christ is and how you can forgive yourself too. I still have a hard time forgiving myself for not being strong, for letting the situation get so out of hand even though I had him. It isn’t easy to navigate these feelings. And anything that can help, like this movie, can be a saving grace.

I also wanted to update you on the bulletin, my article will be in there! I looked at the PDF already for Sunday and it is there word for word, comma for comma. I am so excited! My name isn’t attached to it, but I think it is better that way. I don’t want the glory for it. I asked God to write it through me. It is His writing and His message. I am just the deliverer. So I am glad I have no credit in the bulletin for it.

I am still waiting to hear if I am on the temporary committee. I won’t get home until 7 tonight. C is going to sign up for football! But hopefully I have a message at home. (I wasn’t thinking when I put my home phone as the contact instead of my cell – oh well – God is teaching me patience J) I will let you all know tomorrow!

I think that is enough for today. Ha! I love how movies can evoke so much from me. Movies and music.

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your story. Our God is such a loving and forgiving God. Our stories are the same, but different, but I thank you for reminding me of His love for us!