Thursday, August 12, 2010

Patience Part II

As I continue in my lesson of patience I am seeing how disciplined you have to be.

If you let me rant for a moment: PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON!!!!!

Ok, I feel better. I guess I just see this (Haiti committee formation) as being fundamental to the success and support to our cause. An e-mail stating who (or a quick update) would be great. Please and thank you. J

Also, to build credibility this ministry needs to keep its promises. It breaks my heart when we say we are going to do something and we don’t. Like getting a committee and a mission statement and a plan. And the column in the bulletin! I wrote the last one and offered that anytime they needed. And this coming Sunday’s bulletin is missing the column. There is a picture, a reminder of the next meeting and a thank you to all who supported us in April (a little late?) but they were scattered all over the place. Where is the column? Maybe people complained about the one I wrote and want to take a break, but by taking a break we are doing nothing but setting ourselves back.

But I am really trying to not e-mail Father. But now that we don’t have a bulletin column? I am a little torn.

This is such a hard place for me to be in. I know what this ministry can be, I can FEEL it. It is so close I can practically smell it. Every time I even think about Haiti my heart feels so alive. That or I need to go to the doctor. Ha! I feel so much love and passion from God for the people in Haiti and it literally hurts to not have my hands on this and help move it along.

I am also a nosey person and not knowing what is or is not going on is really hard for me. I just know that people will begin to support and join our mission and cause once we get a committee, values and goals in place.

Now that that is out of the way. I feel so uncomfortably comfortable. Like I have an itch so bad. Not one that requires ointment or anything. An itch that I am not quite in the right place. As my journey back to God gets deeper and deeper the more I realize I need something to change. I need a change of pace. I need a new start. But I feel like I can’t really work on that until I know about Haiti.

I feel like Haiti will play a huge part in my life and my calling from God. I just want to make sure I save room for a big part in the committee if I get chosen.

I read the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan and I am rereading it now, or trying to at least. I have about 12 books that I have started. I need to narrow it down and concentrate on them one at a time. But I listened to his Lukewarm and Loving It sermon (you can find it here: and it just really made me sad to see how lukewarm I am. And the book focuses on that too. It really makes you think and rethink a lot of stuff you have going on in life. And where you are headed in life and after. It makes me sad to see what American Christians have become.

I noticed it too in Haiti. These people rely on Christ fro everything, and I mean EVERYTHING! In Port au Prince I was at the Matthew 25 House and they have a camp on their soccer field and it has about 1,300 people on it. Every morning (at 5am – but well after the roosters start crowing) they sang praises to God and held a mass. How amazing are these people. They lost everything and are living in a tent and they still have faith and love for God. We get down (like me above) when things don’t go our way or something bad happens. We question and wonder and start to think He isn’t there for us. It is sad to see how much material things we have and how little faith.

I think that is where my uncomfortableness is coming from. I lack in everything they have in abundance and I shouldn’t. I have more then I deserve and I am still unhappy. I am still discouraged. I still question God. I want my plans to come to fruition, not His. I don’t know how to lean on Him completely and trust Him for everything. I have a car and a home and food and clothes and…things and I think I need more. I guess I do, I need more faith and hope. It is like the song By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North.

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

I got a ways to go in my journey, but I hope as I walk, I walk in His direction with faith, hope, patience, openness and love.

I hope that I don’t get comfortable in life and stay there.

Don’t Get Comfortable by Brandon Heath

Comfortable, don’t get comfortable.
I am gonna’ move this mountain then I’m gonna move you in.

Yesterday, this is not yesterday.
You were standing on my shoulders now; you’re standing on the edge.
You’ve been looking for a sign all this time.

I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna love like you’ve never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song

So afraid but you don’t have to be afraid
Even if you make mistakes
You know that I’ll remain
You’ve been looking for a sign all this time.
If you seek you’ll find me every time

No comments:

Post a Comment